Free Fall

“Father time, every time I stop and feel, you’re there to tell me I’m already late…”

True story. Some people (like, for example, me) should stop thinking all the time and start feeling instead. Feeling should be a constant state, not occasional. By feeling people manage to seize the moment instead of losing it. Life should be all about moments and how people manage to capture a moment and live it to the fullest, rather than about future, past and etc… (what do I mean etc?! there is no etc after future and past, all that is left is the present moment…anyways…) In every day there’s at least one single moment that is worth noticing and experiencing with all your senses. We rarely take notice of those split seconds that can make our life feel purposeful again. I sometimes try to just merge myself within a few seconds of a pleasant moment and it makes my day.

I heard a really nice quote in a movie a long time ago about details and integrality. It went on similarly to this: “If you observe a picture from too close a distance you fail to see its purpose, but if you look at it from too far away you miss important details.” It’s what I always do, unfortunately. I either do one or the other - never reach the perfection of balance between the two. Well, I guess perfection is not easy to achieve – fact. But sometimes details are all you need just before you see the big picture. Big pictures scare the crap out of you (or at least me). It really manages to make you careful…even too careful about little things you do or don’t do. When you can see the big picture it’s a lot less harder to put a “stop-it-right-there” sign. The thing is, those signs are not always put where they belong, but you (and by you I mean me) keep on delivering them on all the wrong places thinking they should be there.

Like I said in the beginning - thinking is not always the best idea… But what if I stopped thinking? What if I destroyed those “stop-it-right-there” signs and concentrated on just a detail, a tiny little precious moment and lived it to the fullest? What would happen to the big picture? It’s all like this big vicious circle - like in time travel. You change a small detail – you change the big picture. Thing is, I seem to like the big picture. It’s strange how it could be so perfect, without all the details being perfect. But I guess that’s what makes it worth a change…false perfection isn’t an answer (just like Denial ain’t just some river in Egypt…) Oh, I probably sound a bit confused, but hey – a lot of great poets and writers sound that way. (Like for example Yavorov – ok, I admit he must have written, while led by some really strong feelings…but some of it seems mostly like pure…confusion!)

So, to return to where I started this…Father time is right, I’m utterly late, so I should concentrate on the big picture…But I’m sorry, this is a free fall, may as well turn out to be a merger within a moment of crazy with no signs interfering, rather than a constant “cut-it-out” message. Judge me.