Something's missing in me

I love it how music sometimes reflects your inner doubts. At times I really feel like something is missing. Actually, the place of that something is filled with other things. It's become a home. A fortress. Whoever dares to stir up the mess would only find a rock blocking the way. The way to what? A way to where someone scared lives.
Watching the interview with Lacey about her marriage proposal I stare in disbelief. The "someone scared" won't let me believe that is possible. All the romantic ideas I've got from movies, all of them meant just to be shattered to pieces when meeting reality, it reminds me of them. The thing is, I know not all of them are fake. I know, because I care. However, I seem to be living in some separate reality where nothing is the same.
So what am I left to do, except keeping that reality in the fortress? They say the world we live in is created by our brain and doesn't really exist. I've always wondered if I would find people living in the same reality I am guarding so vigorously. I still don't know, but there are people that manage to barge in. They seem to be people from the same reality, at least the fact I never have to think what to say to them,conveys that impression.It is too often that I'm bound to think about what to say and how to put it, when talking to "aliens", and I don't like it. I guess they are just guarding their own reality. I've noticed an almost hostile attitude with some of them and I wondered if I also seem hostile at times. There are people that hate me for no apparent reason and I think I might be overprotecting my small universe at times. Probably I need to get that fixed. But I've also noticed a flaw in my judgment caused by the same reactions of others. You know, like feeling suddenly an antipathy towards somebody without knowing why, and it's really something else - you just have failed to grasp a detail about his personality(because he doesn't let you) and it seems unfamiliar and thus with a negative sign to you. (and by you, as I always try to convey, I mean me xD) So I don't really know where this post has headed to, but I think I'm glad that I always doubt my judgment until I'm absolutely sure about my position.
I remember one time it said "this person is not worth your attention,because he has done this and that", but he proved to be just the opposite and captured my attention for the rest of my life (as I tend to believe). And I am glad I didn't believe myself then. I sometimes see how my mother is prejudiced like that about people, and it's sad...She always doubts that my friends are real friends and tells me to be careful.She is right, though, I used to be be really naive , but not anymore (I hope). I wonder what her "scared somebody" has gone through to become that doubtful. It's really sad, because I know what mine is scared of exactly, and I tend to fight that fear, but she has now become so conservative. I drifted away from my post again, although,as I mentioned, I didn't know where it was headed.I guess it wanted to get to the end, which, I feel, is here, because I don't know what else I could say. End.