A belated post

14.06.2010

Death. Is there anything more you can say about it? Probably someone could. I can only elaborate. Just that one lonely word contains the misery and loss of some and a sense of the disappearance of others. It’s usually frightening to think about, sometimes really unfair, sometimes sudden, at times longed for, but mostly inevitable. We all face it at some point. I guess that it has some hidden meaning, something meant to be a lesson. It’s really unbelievable at this point. We’re only eighteen for Pete’s sake! People say we’ve got a whole life ahead of us. We say it is whole but it’s actually just a fairly small piece of all the time in the world. Probably just a moment compared to all the time that has passed and will pass. I may as well be talking nonsense, but I need to. I guess it’s shocking to realize for the nth time that we’re only human. With miserable human lives that might end in just a few seconds.
It feels unreal. It’s almost unbelievable. It feels as if he will come back and smile tomorrow, except he won’t. It’s as if nothing of it is true, except it is. It feels all of a sudden as if nothing matters. Nothing we do everyday really matters. It is not important whether I will take my umbrella or I will walk in the rain enjoying its refreshing cold. The fact I will get wet is equally insignificant.
I can’t find the right words to say. And is there anyone who could under the circumstances? I guess that all that say we should do everything we want and have no regrets are right – it could all be for the last time. It will all be a hazy memory after some time. Life only has one beginning and one end…True, and we’ve already begun. We’ve begun a journey we can’t help but take, a journey we all try to make pleasant. We’re not sure it is supposed to be such, but we still try – after all it’s happiness that is at stake. Do we really know what happiness is about? Does it really matter that much? No, not in the end it doesn’t. They say that it doesn’t matter what you do in your life either, but the important thing is to actually do it. At least now I know my mission- to do. Do what? I don’t know. But I will do. I’ve changed a lot –willingly or not…I think I’ve learned to appreciate life as it is. But it’s not about me now…it’s about all of us…About life, the universe, everything…about out friend…He must be at a better place now. “I know he’s an angel now….His spirit’s like the winds…”
Farewell our friend… Rest in piece…